Whoever would’ve thought that the girl who dated a string of guys would be silently missing one person and then admitting that he might be what ‘love’ is? That girl, the one who moved on within three months has finally met her match. She stays up listening to sappy love songs, staring at his pictures, praying in her heart that he, indeed, belongs to her.
It’s tiring, watching someone from a far, wondering how they are, not knowing a single thing because why would she – how could she ask him? She misses him, maybe not more than anything in the world, but she definitely misses him. The way he made her laugh when she was trying to be serious, the way he would be protective of her that at times, she just couldn’t help but be annoyed, the way he would stare then call her beautiful. If that isn’t love, then she might never again know what it could be.
She had always thought he made excuses to not speak to her, she had always felt like she was a burden, like she was annoying and always feeling like he had something to hide. She finally knew how much stress he was under and she tried to be less demanding for attention.
They would always fight over ridiculous things – once, the most ridiculous one, over coffee. She dreams, about seeing him, about holding, about him fully and wholly being hers. Things never ran smoothly when she was with him, which made everything more interesting.
She would tease him, trying to appear strong, trying to show that everything was all right, trying to not worry him. “It’s okay, darling, when you get married, don’t forget to send me an invite.” Was what she would always say and he, so obviously tired of being teased, would just whisper “okay”.
Imagining him, with another girl, it hurts. Imagining him, holding another girl, it kills. But if it must be, and he’s happy, then so shall she. She will smile and laugh and continue loving him.
She was lucky. He, well, she didn’t think he was. She kneels to the ground, praying that he is well and she wishes him the best, till one day, maybe, possibly, life brings them together.
This is her way of loving him, her way of loving him more than yesterday, more than this.
Clueless Bird 